i feel bad.
Of all the things i have tried to work on this year, it was to become more open-minded and less cynical, and to a huge extent i succeeded. But i have many younger friends, that all go through shit from time to time, and when it happens i tend to roll my eyes and sigh about the drama of high school.
but i kinda forgot what it's like.
I kind of forgot how lost you feel when you're in that place in your life, and how hard it is to feel like you belong, and it makes it worse because you know that everyone goes through that phase, and you are just one of millions of hopelessly lost and unhappy, flawed humans.
I forgot how bad breakups hurt, even if it's out of a dumb relationship where nothing happened and the boy was mean.
I forgot how fun it is to be wordy and poetic, just because you are good at it.
I forgot how fucking awful parents can be.
I forgot how sometimes people create drama because they need to feel like they CAN feel, and are afraid that somewhere along the way they will get stuck in mediocrity and fade into the background.
I forgot how sometimes you say yes, just to have someone to hold you when you feel like you are going invisible.
I just forgot. And i guess i am kind of sorry. But more i just want to say that i understand. And just know that it will pass and there is a place to be happy.
a very wise, bearded choir teacher once told me that the hardest part of growing up is finding out who you want to be, and to be it. and i've got that almost down. So it can happen, and sometimes getting there is hard, and it's hard and it sucks and you want to give up and stop speaking to people and just write and sleep and read for the rest of your life. Which you could do, i suppose. And then you would never go to a party, or really kiss someone, or go to concerts or dances or restaurants, or enjoy life...
So you do get to decide. You could give up and wimp out.
Or you can live.
Its hard. Its growing up.
It's life, and more often than you expect, there will be genuinely pure happiness.
It is there. It just kind of takes awhile to find.
Of all the things i have tried to work on this year, it was to become more open-minded and less cynical, and to a huge extent i succeeded. But i have many younger friends, that all go through shit from time to time, and when it happens i tend to roll my eyes and sigh about the drama of high school.
but i kinda forgot what it's like.
I kind of forgot how lost you feel when you're in that place in your life, and how hard it is to feel like you belong, and it makes it worse because you know that everyone goes through that phase, and you are just one of millions of hopelessly lost and unhappy, flawed humans.
I forgot how bad breakups hurt, even if it's out of a dumb relationship where nothing happened and the boy was mean.
I forgot how fun it is to be wordy and poetic, just because you are good at it.
I forgot how fucking awful parents can be.
I forgot how sometimes people create drama because they need to feel like they CAN feel, and are afraid that somewhere along the way they will get stuck in mediocrity and fade into the background.
I forgot how sometimes you say yes, just to have someone to hold you when you feel like you are going invisible.
I just forgot. And i guess i am kind of sorry. But more i just want to say that i understand. And just know that it will pass and there is a place to be happy.
a very wise, bearded choir teacher once told me that the hardest part of growing up is finding out who you want to be, and to be it. and i've got that almost down. So it can happen, and sometimes getting there is hard, and it's hard and it sucks and you want to give up and stop speaking to people and just write and sleep and read for the rest of your life. Which you could do, i suppose. And then you would never go to a party, or really kiss someone, or go to concerts or dances or restaurants, or enjoy life...
So you do get to decide. You could give up and wimp out.
Or you can live.
Its hard. Its growing up.
It's life, and more often than you expect, there will be genuinely pure happiness.
It is there. It just kind of takes awhile to find.
posted by M at 10:04 PM
7 Comments:
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...it is hard, isn't it? As much as i have myself figured out, i find that i'm still a stupid teenager a lot of the time, but there's nothing wrong with that. I guess the trick is remembering that even though there is so much hurting and pain, the happiness and fun outweighs it by so much.
Emily, you're my hero. :)
thankyou for saying all of that when no one else would
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Hmph. Wisdom is imparted on the seldom few and we are honored to acknowledge you in their ranks. It is hard, but we appreciate you knowing that and being there even if WE are sometimes the source of the difficulty. Indeed.
You make me happy, emmy dunne!
~Hil
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