Portions for Foxes

Been up since four.
Should be finishing this assignment, but it's raining outside, and I just want coffee, and for my headphone jack to work.

I'm wondering if I'm making the right choice with this.
I'm only 21.
And at first when we talked about kids, about moving in together, about waking up in each other's arms for the rest of our lives, I felt overwhelmingly complete.

But then I wonder...
How long is this girl here to stay? The understanding and kind one, who gets up early to make coffee, who hides her irritation at the long absences, and is content with the fact that she's sharing a bed with a woman she's known for a year and drifting away from the life of a college student?
How long until the party girl returns?
Or the girl who just wants to flirt?
And the worst part is: I love her. And I never believed in this kind of love until her. And when I wake in the night crying she holds me. And when I turn into a monster she smiles and says "you're cute when you pout. now let me help". She's mine.
And after I think it's too soon, I can't do this, she can't handle me, I think about someone else's lips on hers. Someone else's hand in hers. Someone else fucking her. Someone else loving her better than me.
And I curl up next to her, kiss her forehead, her eyelids, her temples, her palms, and remind myself that nothing is final, that she knew me when she decided to love me, and even though I can't sleep a night without crying, this is the happiest I've ever been.

I've just spent my entire life knowing I'm not the kind of girl to be someone's wife.
Please, Please, PLEASE let her prove me wrong about this, too.